The Voices In My Head: Harper Lee Weinstock

The Voices In My Head website and all material contained herein is the creation of writer/cartoonist Tim Knox and his various alter egos.

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A COLLECTION OF COLUMNS BY HARPER LEE WEINSTOCK

If Men Rewrote "The Rules"

Rule 1: Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after seven days.

Rule 2: If you don't want to dress like Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

Rule 3: If we say something that can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other way.

Rule 4: It is in neither your best interest or ours to make us take those stupid Cosmo quizzes together.

Rule 5: Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women how can we know how pretty you are?

Rule 6: Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

Rule 7: You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - not both.

Rule 8: Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials or time-outs.

Rule 9: Christopher Columbus didn't need directions and neither do we.

Rule 10: Women who wear Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

Rule 11: When we're turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the off ramp, you saying "This is our exit" is not necessary.

Rule 12: Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.

Read this week's column: Women Are From Where?

Read last week's column: The Tanya Factor